“Nearly all of God’s jewels are crystallized tears.”
Having faith in my head used to be defined as lifting up a simple prayer, going to church, and solely believing in a higher power. However, just as God has been changing my life and is drawing me nearer; I’ve come to realize faith holds such a deeper meaning. Faith means giving it all, the good, the bad, and the ugly; because we know he’ll mold it to its perfection. So often, I thought God didn’t want the ugly in me, so I shoved it all deep inside-trying to convince myself He wouldn’t see it. It wasn’t until all the bad within started overcoming the good that I gave in. I had been so used to acting my best and portraying perfect behavior to those around me, but my heart was slowly dying and the girl that seemed so joyful was emotionally crushed inside. Then I let God see my depression, the sadness that came over me when it was just me in the room. I decided to be transparent to God. I let Him see it all; and surprisingly enough, He didn’t walk away in disgust. He didn’t rebuke me or cast a judgmental look of disappointment. He held me close and shifted my grief into genuine joy. My helpless tears became those of bliss. It’s the little things that we don’t feel comfortable sharing with God, because somewhere in this life we developed an idea of Him to be a tyrant. Yet those little things are what He uses to change us. To brush away our insecurities; the key is to trust that He will be enough to slowly take them away and replace them with just the opposite. That’s faith; realizing we’re broken pieces that need His fixing.